Escaping Reality

A car passed John as he walked to work, except it wasn’t a car, it was duck with wheels being ridden by a group of uninterested businessmen. He decided to stop by the coffee shop on the corner and found a long coffee exclusive line when he entered. It was mostly people in slick profession business suits; but there were a few pigs, sharks, and even weasels in suits as well, all patiently waiting for their morning pick-me-up.

He got in the line for everyone not wanting coffee, which gave him a brief view into the backroom where they were grinding the beans; however in that brief moment he saw the truth every barista will take to their grave. Those weren’t beans! Instead several demonic looking black rats took consistent hard black poops into a funnel that fed into the grinder. John would have said something to the unsuspecting people in the coffee line but they looked jittery and upset enough. So he simply shrugged and waited, he had always suspected that was what coffee truly was anyway so it didn’t really matter.

His line moved ahead leaving only one person ahead of him, meanwhile the coffee line seemed to move backwards in some twist of fate brought on by demonic rat poop. The girl in front of him looked like someone had taken and smashed together the copies of a dozen fashion magazines and then scotch guarded her with makeup. He just stood and tried to read the menu, but was drawn back to her as he saw the truth. The blue blinking lights in her eyes betrayed her. She was an android, and by the shallow demeanor he guessed she was probably a beta model. When she started counting the fifteen dollars her order had cost with two bills for the twelfth time he let out a relieved sigh. She may be an android but if this is the best we’ve got to beta test at least we don’t have to worry about a robotic uprising. The calculator on the counter laughed an error message at her as though to say  in agreement “I know right?”

Finally she got flustered and just threw an extra twenty at the barista who had repeatedly told her what she had was more than enough. She screamed about not being a charity case, and how it was the worst service she’d ever had, as acrid blue smoke smelling of burning wires poured out of her ears. I stepped up to the counter and ordered an earl grey tea to go as the barista picked up the money and the receipt that read ‘$14.97’ as the total. He shoved the extra twenty into the tip jar and processed my order. The leaf juice finally came, and was just that, earl grey leaf juice because apparently the universe thought that tea was weird enough already. I left the poor barista to help his co-workers battle the hoards of coffee addicts. The small man had tightened his apron and grabbed a nearby sword to plunge right into that fray of madness, I put another twenty in his tip jar. That guy definitely deserved a raise.

As I left, there was a walrus on the corner going on about the end of the world, and how a local car dealership had a twenty five percent off sale as he handed out flyers saying, ‘The end of the season is near! Buy now!’. I took one and hopped onto the long horse drawn carriage at the bus stop. I made a paper airplane out of the flyer as we bumped along the road. Several other passengers watched me with annoyed disgust, but I suspect that had to do with the strange glasses they wore painting the world in dark colours. I would have told them to take them off but you can’t reason with those people, they just turn the glasses filter darker and yell at you. So I just felt pity for them and continued crafting my airplane until my stop.

The horse headed driver whinied pulling the massive six legged creatures to a stop outside my office building. I disembarked and tossed my airplane up towards the building and watched it as it did a few somersaults before soaring into the sky. I went inside and headed to the elevator waving at the friendly owl in a dress that sat at the front desk. Then hopped into the elevator along with a few eager little rabbits with gleaming eyes carrying packages and messages for some of the senior employees. As I got to my floor I headed down the hallway of doors, each one concealing a whole new universe, some I’d even visited and made friends inside during my breaks.

I got to my door and unlocked it, then setting my things down, taking off my coat, I rolled up my sleeves. I looked around my small cramped office at all the tiny windows and pictures of different realities. I pulled out a fresh piece of paper, put it into the holders on my desk, and began to draw.

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