‘Shit’ I thought to myself as I saw her. I was hoping that if I was fast I could ditch this whole mess before she noticed me. Then those big brown eyes sung around to meet mine, like giant dog-doo colored searchlights.
She grinned malevolently and made her way over to where I was seated as waiters rushed around the tables in their elegant uniforms, causing her dark violet dress to swirl like a festering whirlpool of decayed entrails and suffering. She sat down across from me as I returned her grin, envisioning her being torn apart by a dozen angry beavers in plaid shirts. Grim I know but I was hired to kill this sociopath anyway so who cared.
“Well, well, well, the infamous Jack Venturi, I must admit I expected more from you. Did you really think I wouldn’t run a background check on someone I met online?” she teased.
“The online dating site wasn’t my idea.” I moaned in annoyance, “I bet Pipino never had to put up with this crap.” I muttered solemnly.
Her dark lips curled into a pitying grin, “Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself cutie” she cooed, “I’m a politician remember, we are some of the most untrustworthy and slippery folks you’ll ever have the mis-pleasure of killing.” A waiter appeared and poured her a glass of dark red wine. “Of course, you won’t be killing me tonight.” she continued before taking a long swig of the booze. I had water. “We know all about your plan to poison me on this date by coating all the glasses in whatever toxin was in that bottle.” She gestured to my left inner breast pocket.
I shrugged and removed the empty bottle from my jacket and set it on table in front of my plate. “Well I can’t say I’m not dissapointed, but I suppose my expectations were a bit too grand, eh?”
She laughed mockingly, “Your expectations were pathetic, I mean to think you could kill someone like me with a poisoned glass is just plain stupid. But to lace every glass they had was just insane, all these innocent people will die and then I’ll kill…” she paused as I took a drink of my water from the same tainted glasses. “Wait?” she glanced over at one of her many guards planted at other tables who were slowly collapsing and foaming at the mouths. She shot me an enraged glare. “What did you do?”
I shrugged again, “Strange how you thought me so cold hearted to kill off innocents so freely without being paid. I mean this is a nice restaurant who knows when one of them will have their own bounty.”
“But, but, the glasses?” she pouted in shock before a crippling pain caused her to hunch over.
“Oh that.” I said picking up the vial from the table again, “that was the antidote, the poison was in the wine. Shame you and your guards decided to clean yours so thoroughly.”
“You bastard! You’ll pay for this!” she gurgled.
“No the client pays, I just collect.” I said as I signaled the waiter for the check. “But like I said, my expectations of you were a bit too grand.” I said emphasizing the word ‘you’. I attached a hundred dollars to the bill and headed out of the restaurant as my date’s eyes glazed over and the same foam burbled onto the floor from her mouth. I chuckled to myself as I remembered an old commercial about drinking responsibly and whispered to myself, “Too true.”