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Guard Duty

“Hey Chuck! How goes the tedium?” asked the intimidating seven-foot-tall wall of muscle and genetic enhancements walking towards me.

“Oh, not too bad.” I shrugged, digging the gun strap deeper into my shoulder as I did. “Thought I saw a speck of dust move horizontally a few hours ago by that stack over there.” I pointed. “What about you Amy? I heard you were on the Chimera experimentation list?”

The hulking Amy slammed down in the chair next to me which protested the new weight with audible squeaking and groaning as the metal settled. “I’m always good man,” she chortled, “and yeah I was first one on the list but I’ll probably have to wait still until the boss is done testing it on those heroes who broke in last week.”

“Do you know what animal you want for the experiment yet?” I asked as I picked up a pebble and threw it towards a stack of crates among the thousands of other stacks of crates in the enormous warehouse. All stamped with a big and menacing looking letter “I” in the form of a skeletal tree, the logo of the villain known as Illustrious.

“Don’t know, I’m stuck between three choices, an eagle, a bear, or a platypus.” she said as she watched the arc of the pebble which evaporated in a burst of laser fire from a hidden turret before it hit anything.

“A platypus?” I chuckled, “You really think the boss will be okay with that?”

Amy shrugged, “Beats me, I’m pretty sure she’ll take my opinion into consideration though, she’s always been cool like that.”

I nodded, Illustrious may be a mass murdering psychopath in the eyes of the public, but to us guards she was one of the best bosses we’ve ever had. I mean sure the death threat at the interview was a little unnerving, but once you get past the openly evil bits, she actually held to the henchman’s union guidelines like they were a bible. We only worked four twelve hour shifts and only four hours of that was by yourself at the worst. Not to mention, we got full benefits and healthcare, and the pay was about three times the national average so no one really complained.

“So, what about you?” Amy grinned, “I heard you were on the waiting list for those neural implants. Tired of guard duty, are you?”

“It’s not that,” I sighed, “I just want to work in one of the R&D divisions building some of the cool stuff in here instead of babysitting it you know?”

“Yeah, I get that” she chuckled, “too bad Arya dumped you, you two could have-” I was saved from the awkward conversation temporarily as the radio in our ears crackled to life.

It was the silky voice of Illustrious herself as she said, “Amy, Charles, we have an escaped prisoner heading your way” her tone one of amusement.

“Want us to crush it?” asked Amy enthusiastically as she pounded a massive fist into her other palm.

“Calm down there Amy,” Illustrious chuckled, “I want you two to stand down and lock your weapons on stun. Let them make it to the warehouse, I want to test the automated systems for a change.”

“Understood.” I said as I dutifully locked all my weapons.

“I really do wish you would lighten up and let me add more upgrades Charles.” Illustrious teased.

“I’ll work on that Ma’am.” I countered to an annoyed sigh from both Amy and Illustrious.

Suddenly the doors burst open and a burly hero in a hospital gown came charging in and raised his hands which ignited with scorching white flames. “Hands up stooges!” he yelled and we complied. “Now which way is the exit, tell me now or I incinerate you both with my holy flames.”

“They’re not holy, they’re just a biological mutation that affected his brain making him hear voices.” Illustrious whispered in our radios.

We both pointed to the other side of the warehouse and her took off running again.

We sat back down as Illustrious excitedly counted, “Five…Four…Three…Two…and…” All the defence systems sprang to life and he was vaporized by a hail of various projectiles and energy beams. “One.” she finished.

“Everything seems to be working to me Boss?” I said into the radio.

“Hmmm…” came her response, “The fourth and fifth ion turrets on the east side are still slightly off. Send maintenance down to see what they can do in the morning. Amy, Charles, you both did wonderfully, keep up the good work and I’ll be sure to put in a good word on your performance reviews with Thomas next month.”

“Thank you, Ma’am.” Amy and I said in unison as the radio went dead.

Then Amy leaned back and said, “So I spy with my little eye…”


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