TDS II: House Call
Saturday 13th October 2018
So, I was hoping that everything would get simpler with an exe genie on hand. Forgive the pun but it was wishful thinking.
The owner found out about the genie incident of course and was less than pleased about agreeing to pay what should have been a servant. Still, she couldn’t really complain as I had technically followed store policy by doing everything in my power to safely neutralize a threat of that caliber.
The down side was that she made Kidra my personal assistant. I now regret being complaining about being short handed as the ex-genie’s temper has meant she requires constant monitoring around customers.
To make matters worse the owner decided to take a house call for one of her more long-standing customers yesterday. So, Kid and I were sent out to deal with that mess while she watched the store and did interviews for new staff.
“This is crap Jake!” Kidra yelled, “That bag if hot air wants us to catch a poltergeist? I’m over three thousand years old and she expects me to sully my hands with the tainted leftovers of some human douchwazzle?”
“Kid, I told you to stop reading urban dictionary. Only the mentally enfeebled talk like that.” I countered as I sat on the couch fine tuning a directional electromagnetic fluctuation (DEMF).
She stuck her tongue out at me, “Language is fluid, in a hundred years you won’t even recognize what you know as English. Besides I may be mortal but I’m still a genie so I’ll speak how I like!”
I raised an eyebrow, “Is that so?” I aimed at her. “Conjure your strongest projectile magic in one hand.”
“Why?” she asked, “I’m not afraid to die remember? That’s my one way out of this.” she moaned.
“Just do it.” I sighed.
With a roll of her eyes she conjured a black ball of fire and held it in one hand. “Alright genius, now what… Aaaarrgh!” She screeched as I blasted the fireball out of existence with a focused shot that rippled the air. “What the hell was that?” she swore looking from her hand to the DEMF.
“It’s an insurance policy.” I said casually checking the gauges for inconsistencies.
“You built something that can destroy my essence? That’s a dick move, I mean I know we’re not friends but I didn’t think you’d obliterate a co-worker?” she was having away slowly as her already pale face became a ghostly white.
I glanced up in shock, “What? This isn’t for you. I built this for the poltergeist. The choices are come quietly or piss off. Why would I try to destroy you? I just spent two hours on Monday defending why I hired you.”
Her terrified face curled into one of rage, “So tout just accidently created something that can erase me from existence?”
I shrugged, “Wouldn’t be the first time, but that wasn’t the goal, I needed something to destabilize ethereal life. I actually don’t plan to use it.”
“Except on me you… You. Bae!” she yelled
“Bae?” I asked with a chuckle, “I think you’re using that word wrong for today’s slang.”
“I am not! It means poop or excrement!” she said as she got the smartphone I’d set up for her and furiously began researching. “See right here it says… oh…. “she paused as she kept reading
“Well?” I asked. She tucked her phone back in her pocket as she blushed and stormed to the door to leave.
The door slammed shut as she approached and a high-pitched voice laughed, “What’s this?
A lovely couple having a spat.” The walls began to bleed, the lights flickered, and an old record player began to play despite missing a record. “Well I hate to butt in but it’s time for you to die!” laughter erupting into the cacophony.
“Me first please!” Kid said, causing the commotion to pause.
“Wait?” The voice said in confusion, “why aren’t you scared?”
“Because, you’re a whiny piece of living mucus and I’m an all-powerful genie!” Kidra taunted as violet electricity danced in her fingertips. “Still if you’re offering to get rid of this dead weight called a body then please go ahead.”
“Listen lady, I’m really not sure how to deal with this? I mean I’m trying to kill you sure, but is your bedroom game really that bad?” The poltergeist teased.
Kidra shot a bolt of energy into the wall as she screamed, “We’re not a couple! Say it again and I’ll rip your essence apart piece by piece!”
“Hmm, methinks the lady doth protest too much” the spook cackled back.
Kidra responded launching different spells, curses, and other magic nonsense at the walls to shut up her annoying verbal assailant.
During their bickering session I took the time to prep another gadget is brought with me. I clicked the primer on the device with my thumb then with a flick of my wrist I tossed it towards the ceiling where it shot out a dozen barbed anchors into the walls.
“Kid, get down!” I yelled as I dropped to the floor. Thankfully Kidra did as well letting out a soft yelp as she saw why.
The device in the ceiling began pulling the unknown energies our spectral adversary was using to one location. Although slim, there was a chance it could have ripped out whatever animated our living bodies at the same time.
“What the hell! A little more warning next time wouldn’t hurt you know.” she spat.
“Sorry, I couldn’t risk you tipping off our friend.” I said checking the DEMF.
“Ugh… What?… What have you done?” The poltergeist wheezed as it hung below the device above. It’s gentle hum compressing the ghost into a floating spectre of a man.
“I’ve ripped you from your anchors. That exhaustion your feeling is you getting to sustain yourself under your own power.” I explained aiming the DEMF at his head.
“But how?” asked the first groggily “I was part of the house, you shouldn’t be able to hurt me. Even the genie couldn’t…”
“Because the benefit of this universe is that it has laws, the better you understand those laws the easier it is to fix any aberration used by things x like magic.” I explained. “Now your choices are, be incarcerated peacefully, pass over if there’s a place for you to pass to, or be obliterated. I’ll give you thirty seconds to decide.”
“Why are you letting that little booger choose? Just shoot it!” shouted Kidra.
“I gave you a choice, didn’t I?” I countered.
Kidra thought for a moment then said to the poltergeist “He’s right. Don’t make my mistake, Take the obliteration.”
“And that’s thirty seconds.” I said, “What’s it going to be?”
The poltergeist whined, “I tried to move on but I can’t, though I don’t want to give up existing either.”
“Prison it is.” I tossed a small metal jar under the poltergeist. It paired with the net above and in the blink of an eye the ghost was gone.
“Seriously?” Kid asked, “All that complaining for, like, five minutes of work?”
“Oh, catching a poltergeist is easy. It’s dealing with the customer that’s going to be the problem.” I said with a sigh.
Kidra seemed to think I was bluffing but it’s Saturday now, we’ve been open for three hours and have already received forty-seven calls from the owner’s customer asking us to check if the poltergeist is still gone. From past experience, this will go on for at least a week.
I’m really hoping next weekend I have time to go watch a movie or something.
Special Thanks to my faithful reader Candi for catching some posting glitches in the last two posts, they have been fixed now