“Dammit Charlie! What have I told you about eating shellfish!” the tiny doctor shrieked as she threw a tongue depressor hard enough at the wall behind her patient that it embedded an inch deep.
The puffy faced young man simply rolled his eyes, or in this case moved puffy pink slits in a circular motion as he whined, “Relax Doctor Couturier, I’ve been taking the medication you prescribed haven’t I.”
The doctor face palmed as she sighed, “As I’ve told you a dozen times before, that medication is a preventative not remedy!”
“I don’t know what those words mean,” Charlie said waving off the doctor’s comment. “Besides I’m invulnerable so it’s not like this can kill me or anything.”
“To physical damage you’re invulnerable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t die.” the doctor countered. “Crab, prawns, shrimp, lobster these are all things that could very well do serious long term damage to you.”
“But they wouldn’t kill me right?” the puffy pink face asked as it tilted to the side.
“No Charlie they can’t kill you on their own but they can put you into a coma, and then what’s to stop someone from dropping your dense skull into the middle of the lake?” The doctor said harshly.
The slits widened slightly in shock as realization finally kicked in after months of this demented dance between doctor and patient. “So…” Charlie began as he scratched his head, “So what you’re saying is… no more lobster challenge fridays at the lobster hut?”
Doctor Victoria Couturier sighed with relief as she reached up and put a single finger on her patient’s forehead. “That Charlie, is exactly what I have been saying for the last three months.” As soon as her finger touched his skin the swelling began to recede and the pink faded to the normal pale complexion of the hero known as Bulletproof. “And if you come in next friday with these symptoms,” she continued, her voice taking an threatening tone, “I will personally put you into the lake myself, are we clear?”
Charlie grabbed his shirt and nodded quickly, “I get it doc, sorry I wasted your time!” he said hurrying out the door like a scolded child who forgot to take out the garbage.
Victoria simply climbed back into her office chair and grabbed her cup of hot chocolate, which she spat out immediately as it had gone ice cold during that last appointment.
Writing prompt: “He who takes medicine and neglects diet, wastes the time of his doctor” – Chinese Proverb