The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Day 8
“Sir, you can’t be serious?” the young assistant said, “I know this year wasn’t as good as last year but we still turned a massive profit.”
“Profit? We made half a million less than last year. I would fire them all if it didn’t cost more to brainwash new ones.” the boss said as her examined his recently bleached teeth and dyed hair in a mirror on his desk.
“Unfortunately, they are highly trained professionals, I’m worried that if we withhold their christmas bonus they will end up leaving for another company.” The assistant shuffled nervously through his papers.
“If they wanted a bonus they should have worked harder!” shouted the boss with a scowl before smiling at himself admiringly in the mirror again.
Flipping to another page of figures the assistant said, “Actually sir, our toy production facility increased output by over 15% this year and reduced costs by 10%, if anything the staff is practically overworked.”
“If we’re doing so well why didn’t we beat lasts year’s profits?” countered the ken doll as he looked up from his mirror. “I bet you those scum have been stealing from us!” He pointed accusingly at the office door.
Again, the assistant patiently checked his papers, “Well actually, it appears like the reason for the loss is that you cut the sales price by 10%; you also swapped out one of our material supplies for a cheaper one which has led to more warranty claims which has substantially increased our losses for this year. Oh, not to mention the funds you have used for your business trip to Cuba.”
“Are you suggesting that my decisions are what are ruining this company?” The boss glared.
Unflustered his assistant simply adjusted his glasses, “Of course not sir, that would be slander. I’m simply listing facts from…”
“Well then I order you to change those facts, make one of the supervisors claim credit and fire them.” He went back to checking his hair.
“I’m sorry sir but that would be illegal and…”
“Mr. Derriere!” a tall officer asked as he entered the office.
“Hey, you can’t just barge into my office! Who do you think you are?” screamed the stuffed suit.
“I’m detective Armstrong, and you Mr. Derriere are under arrest for embezlement, fraud, rape, sexual assault, harassment, and worker endangerment.”
“What!” Mr. Derriere protested, “Where do you get your information and where is my lawyer?”
“We got an anonymous tip from a one Clara K., we assumed she was just another one of countless women listed in the files sent to us.” explained the detective as half a dozen officers entered the office behind him.
“Finally!” said the assistant, much to the shock of his boss. “Officers, our non-disclosure policy states we are unable to disclose any company secrets unless cooperating with authorities as the law requires. I assume you have the correct warrants?”
Detective Armstrong grinned, then pulled a large folder from his jacket and threw it on the desk. “Those are copies of every warrant to investigate Mr. Derriere and this company fully. If you stand in the way you will be prosecuted for interfering in a police investigation Mr. …”
“Gibson, Pete Gibson sir, I have kept detailed records on every discrepency and every fraudulent order that prick gave me.” Pete said calmly.
“Excellent! We’ll try to take care of this as quickly as possible considering how close it is to the holidays.” Armstrong said with a smile. “Who will be responsible for running things while Mr. Derriere is detained?”
“That would be me sir,” Pete said proudly.
The dumbfounded pile of gel currently being read his rights snapped out of his daze and screamed “You? You’re just my assistant what qualifies you to run this company?”
“I’m not your assistant Jared, I’m the head of operations hence why I have had to field every stupid decision you’ve made.” snapped Pete.
Pete Gibson then turned to the detective and said, “Normally I would like to handle slowly, but if we can have an auditor start on our finances tonight, we may be able to have things unfrozen in time to give everyone a well deserved bonus for christmas.”
“You want your bonus at a time like this? Kind of shallow of you don’t you think?” scoffed Armstrong.
Pete shook his head and smiled, “I’m not receiving a bonus this year, none of the executives are, we have all signed off to make sure that our staff get something for the holidays. We are not a company of crooks sir, we have just put in the inept hands of one.” and he reached out a hand to detective who shook it with new found respect. Jared Derriere meanwhile was facing a total of 137 years in prison for his various crimes.