The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Epilogue
The business market has been turned on its head this morning as CEO of Noel & Kringle Enterprises has been arrested under charges varying from parking fines to homicide. Diane Egoorcs is to be represented by an assigned defence attorney as all of N&K Ent. lawyers have signed the overwhelmingly long list of witnesses willing to testify against the once prominent CEO. When we asked several of those listed to testify as to why they were so eager to speak against Diane Egoorcs many replied that it was “The nice thing to do”.
Even stranger the arrest comes shortly after a massive break-in last night at Noel & Kringle Enterprises. Guards at the scene refused to comment on what the thieves were looking for however one did mention that “They got what we were hoping for, thank god!”. A sentiment many guards seemed to share through nods. When we asked to speak to the head of security we were informed that he had been committed to the psych ward of the hospital. Further inquiry at the hospital revealed he had suffered severe mental trauma, and was babbling honestly.
Holly Chipper, the acting head of security, said “We were ordered to unlawfully detain an individual in the building. All of us followed those orders under threats to ourselves and our families.” Although inquiries into who was being detained revealed little, we did discover that the detainee had a great deal to do with the now infamous Clara Kringle. When asked of her intentions in regards to the incident Ms. Chipper simply said, “I actually quit, but then Diane’s replacement called me and officially offered me the position of head of security. I agreed under the condition that every guard cooperate fully with the police and that our non-disclosure agreement would remain inactive until it was properly revised.” We asked if she had taken the position to which she replied, “I’m here aren’t I?”
We tried to get statements from the guards as to what the intruders looked like, unfortunately the stress of the evening seems to have taken its toll. In fact the only recurring reports we got referred to things like, “Mischievous boys”, “A giant cat”, “Frosty the snowman”, and “Santa’s evil granddaughter”.
More on this story as it develops.
In other news, the items stolen by Clara Kringle have been returned to either their rightful owners or to the authorities. Each was returned with a thank you note and a plate of cookies. The items left with authorities have all been identified as previously stolen and sold on the blackmarket. They are currently being catalogued and sent to the original countries of origin where they will be evaluated by local museums.
Six albino kangaroos have shown up at wildlife reserve in australia. A note was left on at the reserve’s office signed by the infamous Clara Kringle. It contained a list of care instructions including the animals names and their preference for candy canes as a snack.
The first reports of a red UFO came in early this morning from various military and weather services. It has jumped around the globe at speeds not associated with any man-made craft. Upon further investigation both military and weather services claim that the red blur is a practical joke from some hackers in Austria. They have released public service announcements to tell citizens not to worry and that their technicians have already released a global patch to fix the security flaw by the 26th of Dec.
Merry Christmas and thanks for reading, and have a Happy New Year!
J. S. Figment