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Life can be a real beach

Life can be a real beach


Ah, that relaxing sound of birds chirping in the trees, and waves crashing gently on the beach; the smell of sea-spray and sun-baked sand filled my nostrils. I couldn’t think of a more beautiful way to wake up. Then I remembered one of the most annoying pieces of information in my entire life, what happened to my peanuts?


I opened my eyes, which turned out to be a horrible idea as the sunlight seared my retinas. I groaned and tried to sit up, this turned out to be an even worse idea. Everything was bruised from my neck down, and my clothes felt like I was wearing a flexible iron maiden.


I braced myself as I slowly opened my eyes again to see a golden beach next to a turquoise ocean. Luggage was riddled everywhere, gulls pecking there way in looking for snacks hidden in the pockets by people who probably had more pressing concerns at this exact moment. Like how they were going to cover up those sins, or whether or not they could bribe Hades.


Just as I was about to freak out a voice behind me said, “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, this is a private beach.” I slowly turned my head to see a stuffy looking woman in a hotel uniform glaring down at me.


“Gee, I’m sorry, I didn’t know the beach I had just washed up on was private. Let me just swim back out to sea.” I spat sarcastically.


She grinned malevolently, “That would be wonderful, thank you so much for understanding.”


I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, was this lady crazy? Was I hallucinating? I carefully stood up and went to tear a strip off this rude rigid lady. Instead, standing up resulted in me vomiting half a stomach full of seawater all over her. “Ugh, sorry about that.” I said.


“Well I’m going to go get changed, and get the spear gun.” she turned slowly and started heading back up the beach to a mansion on the hillside hidden by the trees. As she walked she yelled, “And if you’re still here when I get back, there is literally no one else on this whole island who will hear you scream.”


I now find myself in a predicament of choosing between, seeing if I can survive in the forest of this island, trying to swim to the non-existent island just over the horizon, or follow the crazy uniform lady back to the mysterious mansion and hope she was kidding about the spear gun. I thought about the three options for a few minutes until the sand in my shoes made the choice for me. I kicked them off and followed the footprints to the mansion. When I got there, however I found it derelict and abandoned. A chill ran up my spine and I ran back to the beach and made a massive fire to keep the darkness away.


Two days later, I was rescued by a passing shipping freighter. As I sat in their medical room on the ship, a spear embedded into the exterior wall. As I headed to the window I saw the women from before standing on the beach with the spear gun. She grinned as we sailed away and as she turned and headed towards the mansion her legs seemed to dissolve from under her as she vanished.


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