Unwanted Power

Unwanted Power

        “Mr. Henry,” Agent Seventy-one said, slamming a thick folder on the table in front of him, “Do you know what this is?” He stared past her smiling at something over her shoulder. She glanced back then waved a hand in front of his eyes. “Mr. Henry can you hear me?”

        He laughed and shook his head, “Man, Elmer Fudd didn’t stand a chance!”

        “Mr. Henry!” yelled Agent Seventy-One, “What have I told you about watching cartoons in the debriefing room!”

        He shrugged, “Beats me, I’m usually listening to the radio while you talk during debriefings.”

        She rubbed her eyes and sat heavily in the chair across the table from him, “You know I can’t understand why, with powers like yours, are you so inclined not to use them.”

        “Pfft, like some child agent would ever understand, what are you like seventeen?” Mr. Henry scoffed.

        Agent Seventy-one raised an eyebrow at him, “Seriously? I’m thirty, not all of us are immortal like you Mr. Henry.”

        “Hey, this is not my fault!” he said pointing at his face, “You think I like being seventy and looking like I’m in my late twenties? It’s a fight every time I try to get a senior citizen’s discount.”

        “What the hell is wrong with you?” she said with honest disbelief on her, to which he just shrugged and grinned. Steering the conversation back on track she asked “Now do you know what this folder contains?”

        Mr. Henry nodded “Are those my snack receipts from this year?”

        Agent Seventy-one blushed slightly, “Ahem, no, those no longer fit in a single folder, we had to move them to a cabinet… nevermind; No, this is the damage claims from the incident in New Zealand.”

        “So?” he replied, “I wasn’t even there.”

        “That’s my point!” she countered, “You could have single-handedly prevented any property damage, or injury, simply by using your powers to kill those monsters. Heck with your level of power you could have fried them from here.”

        “Yeeaaaaaaah,” he said drawing the word out, “that’s never going to happen. Do you know what I did before your organization forcibly recruited me?”

        “Um, actually no.” she admitted.

        “I worked at a pet store. I got to play with animals all day long and never had to worry about using my powers for anything at all. Do you know why I didn’t want to use them?” he asked but continued before she could answer, “It’s because people like you were more interested in feeling safe rather than building a future.”

        “That’s not true!” she protested, “Commander Valor has brought us peace and built a future we can be proud of!”

        Mr. Henry laughed, “What kind of idiot are you? Commander Valor doesn’t care about you or anyone for that manner. That psycho has manipulated the system and is slowly weaselling his way to the top. When he finally gets what he wants he’ll start playing defensively and use his position to strip your freedoms one by one.”

        Agent Seventy-one recoiled slightly at the unexpectedly serious reaction from him. “Well fine, you’re the most powerful being in the planet, why don’t you go and stop him?”

        “Like I’ve told you and your predecessors, because it’s not my job. Solve your own problems.” Mr. Henry leaned back and stared off into space again.

        For a moment her face turned a violent purple, but just before she decided to pummel him to a pulp with the folder, the rage evaporated and she signed. “You know, my mom used to say that the only reason bad guys win is because too many good people do nothing. If you truly think the world is going to hell in a handbasket, then maybe use that God-like power to do something about it.”

        “No Scooby you dummy, why are you going in the closet? That’s the first place he’ll look!” Mr. Henry yelled at thin air.

        “Whatever!” spat Agent Seventy-one, “Lucky for you, some of us still care.” and with that she slammed the door behind her as she stormed away.

***

Three months later, Tammy Rosedael (aka Agent Seventy-one) died in the line of duty, crushed by debris sent flying as Captain Valor battled some giant bird loosed on a city by a mad genius. The day after it was announced, Mr. Henry vanished from the facility, never to be seen again. At least, not under that name.

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When Grim Reapers Laugh

When Grim Reapers Laugh

        As I drove to work this morning, I saw some rather peculiar things. And I don’t mean guys walking around in thong bikinis in the middle of winter. No what I saw was a redneck in a truck weave in and out of traffic honking and flipping the bird at other vehicles. This wasn’t the peculiar bit however as I witness that behaviour every morning; no, the peculiar bit came after the truck drove straight into a traffic circle before screeching to a halt. The driver leapt out and proceeded to violently soil himself to death. I would have stopped but it seemed too surreal to be real and initially assumed it was some sort of protest.

        Shortly after I came to a stop at a red light, an elderly lady was walking across the street when a lady dressed in a full fuchsia jogging suit pushed passed her knocking her to the ground. The old woman screamed at her but with headphones on and her smartphone blocking her view she didn’t notice. I was disgusted but soon was shocked when the woman in fuchsia turned without looking and walked directly into oncoming traffic. A fully loaded dump truck barely had time to honk before she did her best impression of a dragonfly on a truck’s grill.

        The light changed and despite the gruesome incident all the vehicles continued as if nothing had happened. As we made it to the bridge, I saw a large kid holding a smaller child with a leg cast dangerously close to the edge of the railing. Just as I got close the bully’s foot slipped out from under them and landed on their side. It looked like a rough fall but became all the worse when the kid they had been dangling landed heavily on top of them. I heard the spine snap from in my car. I was relieved to find out that the bully didn’t die but did end up dead from the waist down.

        Finally, just as I pulled into work, I saw the owner of our company get out of his vehicle and stroll towards the door. He was a cold heartless bastard and I cringed at just the thought of having to deal with him today. I watched as the manager walked up to him and began their brown-nosing routine. The owner smiled politely but took out his phone dropping it behind him clumsily as he did. He turned around and bent over to pick it up, revealing a crack that would embarrass a plumber. I sighed as I exited my vehicle and slammed my door. Just then a large icicle fell from the eves and impaled the still bent over owner right through the heart. The manager, in shock, went to assist the clearly dead man and received an unfortunate face-full of excrement as his bowels released.

        The store closed for the day shortly after that, so on my way home I stopped by a senior’s home. They had just finished lunch and were about to start a game of bingo. I won forty dollars and gave it to the head nurses to buy them donuts or something. But more importantly I helped make others smile. As I was about to leave the old woman who had been knocked down this morning came and thanked me for stopping by personally. She said “Death’s minions have been in a strange mood today, they love their pranks you see, but they’re always happy to join in a laugh instead if the opportunity presents itself so thank you for entertaining us this afternoon.” With that she shuffled off and I headed home telling myself jokes all the way.

FOR SALE

 

Selling a two year old purple platypus

Friendly especially when food is involved.

Trained to do several tricks including, sitting, fetching, checking stock prices, handling investments, and “taking care” of unwanted neighbors.

Goes by the name of Vinnie.

Consists of a diet of primarily meatballs, steak, and seafood.

I’m selling him as my new girlfriend wants to get a dog, insisting that those death threats with the flipper print are from Vinnie.

I tried to convince her she was crazy but when we found her cat at the bottom of the fish tank with cement around it’s feet even I had to admit things were getting out of hand.

All applicants please bring $500 dollars in unmarked bills to mailbox at the corner of 12th and Main for approval by Vinnie.

Serious applicants only, hoping Vinnie can go to a good home.

All shots up to date.

 

Writing Prompt: Write an advertisement for a pet for sale.

Self Improvement

Self Improvement

 

A knock came thrice at the door, and a large awkward monster jumped excitedly to its feet and hobbled to the door. Once there it cleared it’s throat and in a musical tone said “Who is it?”

“Ummm is this 742 Evergreen terrace?” asked a woman’s voice from the alley beyond the door.

The monster bit it’s lip and hopped from foot to foot a couple times before saying, “Yes it is may I as who it is?”

“Um it’s FedEx, I have a Package for a one Jo Smith?” responded the voice in the alley.

“One moment,” the monster sang as it pulled a lever on the wall next to the door. A hatch in the alley opened with the word ‘Mail’ written in disturbing red paint. “Please put the package and any paperwork to be signed in the slot”

With a clunk the package fell into slot and the monster shoved the lever in the opposite direction causing everything to plop inside without having to open the door. It quickly picked up the box and drew a bloody ex on the sign sheet before the clipboard back to the alley through the slot.

“Thank you” the Fed-ex courier yelled followed by hurried footsteps,

“Oh no,” said the monster tearing the lid off the box, “Thank you!”

Inside was a bio-mechanical foot with a rose and a note that read, “As always it is an honour to be of service, let me know if you have anything else you need required, sincerely Mr. Renaud.”

With a bone shattering crack the monster ripped the wooden foot from it’s left leg and immediately began attaching the artificial limb in its place. Admiring it’s handy work the monster muttered, “Always best to make the most of one’s self” before hopping off and dancing around on the foot that had been custom made for it.

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Epilogue

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Epilogue

Christmas Eve

Epilogue

2018/12/24

News Bulletin:

The business market has been turned on its head this morning as CEO of Noel & Kringle Enterprises has been arrested under charges varying from parking fines to homicide. Diane Egoorcs is to be represented by an assigned defence attorney as all of N&K Ent. lawyers have signed the overwhelmingly long list of witnesses willing to testify against the once prominent CEO. When we asked several of those listed to testify as to why they were so eager to speak against Diane Egoorcs many replied that it was “The nice thing to do”.

Even stranger the arrest comes shortly after a massive break-in last night at Noel & Kringle Enterprises. Guards at the scene refused to comment on what the thieves were looking for however one did mention that “They got what we were hoping for, thank god!”. A sentiment many guards seemed to share through nods. When we asked to speak to the head of security we were informed that he had been committed to the psych ward of the hospital. Further inquiry at the hospital revealed he had suffered severe mental trauma, and was babbling honestly.

Holly Chipper, the acting head of security, said “We were ordered to unlawfully detain an individual in the building. All of us followed those orders under threats to ourselves and our families.” Although inquiries into who was being detained revealed little, we did discover that the detainee had a great deal to do with the now infamous Clara Kringle. When asked of her intentions in regards to the incident Ms. Chipper simply said, “I actually quit, but then Diane’s replacement called me and officially offered me the position of head of security. I agreed under the condition that every guard cooperate fully with the police and that our non-disclosure agreement would remain inactive until it was properly revised.” We asked if she had taken the position to which she replied, “I’m here aren’t I?”

We tried to get statements from the guards as to what the intruders looked like, unfortunately the stress of the evening seems to have taken its toll. In fact the only recurring reports we got referred to things like, “Mischievous boys”, “A giant cat”, “Frosty the snowman”, and “Santa’s evil granddaughter”.

More on this story as it develops.


In other news, the items stolen by Clara Kringle have been returned to either their rightful owners or to the authorities. Each was returned with a thank you note and a plate of cookies. The items left with authorities have all been identified as previously stolen and sold on the blackmarket. They are currently being catalogued and sent to the original countries of origin where they will be evaluated by local museums.


Six albino kangaroos have shown up at wildlife reserve in australia. A note was left on at the reserve’s office signed by the infamous Clara Kringle. It contained a list of care instructions including the animals names and their preference for candy canes as a snack.


The first reports of a red UFO came in early this morning from various military and weather services. It has jumped around the globe at speeds not associated with any man-made craft. Upon further investigation both military and weather services claim that the red blur is a practical joke from some hackers in Austria. They have released public service announcements to tell citizens not to worry and that their technicians have already released a global patch to fix the security flaw by the 26th of Dec.

*******

Merry Christmas and thanks for reading, and have a Happy New Year!

Sincerely

J. S. Figment

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Day 12

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Day 12

Day 12

Escape

2018/12/23

Status report:

5:43pm: Building is clear. No sign of threats. Premises secure. Shift change scheduled for 1800 hours.

6:04pm: Guard change successful. Notes: “Extra staff has been reported for duty and has been assigned as per directions.”

6:12pm: Inquiry: “Extra staff? I didn’t hire any extra staff? What are their names?”

6:14pm: Response: “They simply gave ID numbers, there were 13 of them from Yule Security”

6:15pm: Response: “Find them! We have intruders, they’re making a move for Santa now”

6:19pm: Facility lockdown engaged. Sectors responding as clear 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,11,15,16,19 Waiting for response from Sectors 5,9,10,12,13,14,17,18,20

6:30pm: Status request

Sector 5: <no response>

Sector 9: “why are you stealing everything from the vending machine? What the… no… No…NOOOO!!!!”<static><no response>

Sector 10: *heavy snoring*

Sector 12: “Where is everybody? Why are all the lights out? Oooff! Gross what is this? Some kind of rotten potato?” <static><no response>

Sector 13: “Report, there is something outside the window. I found empty guard uniforms, they were from the temps brought in tonight. What the? What was that?” <static><no response>

Sector 14: “A giant cat! There’s a giant  cat attacking the guards! Command, please advise? We weren’t trained for this!” *Meow* “Oh, my, gahhhh!” <static><no response>

Sector 17: “Is that? Sir there is a snowman down here, and is the temperature controls off? It’s freezing down here.”

Sector 18: <static> “Yoohoo, this Clara Kringle. I’m going to give you all one last chance to hand over Santa, my grandfather, or else!”<static> “Well have it your way!” <static><no response>

Sector 20: <no response> automated security systems status: Green, Armed status: Red (DO NOT ENTER) Cell status: Green

6:50pm: Sectors not responding, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18

6:56pm: Sector 19: *Gunfire* *Shouting* “DIE KITTY!!!” *more gunfire* “Why frosty why?” *explsion* “I know them! Those are the Yule Lads” *yelling* “Sand? Really? Like that will…*snore*” <static><no response>

7:12pm: Sector 20: <no response>automated security systems status: yellow (Main power offline, 48 minutes of auxillary power remaining), Armed status: Red (DO NOT ENTER)

7:20pm: Sector 20:<no response>automated security systems status: Red (Power Draining, 5 minutes of power remaining), Armed status: Black (Ammo depleted, please reload), Cell status: Green

7:25pm: Sector 20:<no response>automated security systems status: offline, Armed status: Black (Ammo depleted, please reload), Cell status: error, cell security not found

7:39pm: Email to Diane Egoorcs

“I quit! I’ve lost my entire team, some of whom were partially digested and defecated by a giant cat! Threaten me and my family all you like, but I don’t want to be anywhere near you when Clara Kringle finds you.

Good luck Jerk!

Holly Chipper, Ex-Interim Head of Security”

*** Check in tomorrow for the Epilogue****

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Day 11

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Day 11

Day 11

Reinforcements

2018/12/22

“Dear Legends

Time is running short. Tomorrow night I’ll be saving Santa or die trying. I would greatly prefer the former and that is why I have written you. I know you have not always gotten along with my grandfather or my family but I’m sure you can see the danger we face. If we allow a company to take the place of a legendary figure like Santa Clause, it will mark the beginning of the end for us. It will empower a company with the kind of magic and influence with none of the responsibility.

I know you probably have your own opinions of me, I’ve never been on the Nice List in my life. I’m the black sheep of the Kringle family and proud of it. All the same, none of the others are fighting to save Santa. They would rather rely in blind faith than lift a finger to protect those in need.

I know I have no right to ask, but I am, please, if there is any aid you can offer I’ll do whatever I can to pay you back. I can’t do this on my own but if given no other choice I’m certainly going to try. I have already collected the old sleigh, the first set of enchanted clothes, the White Kangaroos (The reindeer are under lock and key by the family), and a few tricks from the north. I’m not trying to brag, I just want you to understand how serious I am about this endeavour.

If you can come help or send anything to help it would be greatly appreciated.

Please don’t let Christmas die like this,

Sincerely,

Clara Kringle”

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Day 10

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Day 10

Day 10

Prepping the forces

2018/12/21

“I don’t care what you have to do, no one gets to Santa do you hear me? This year Christmas belongs to us!” the phone screamed in her ear.

“Yes sir, we will do our best to secure the building and…” the interim head of security began before she was interrupted by the CEO.”

“Your best is garbage, do the work of someone competent instead and make sure no one gets in and make sure Santa doesn’t see the light of day ever again!” the phone vibrated with the force of the voice yelling from the speaker.

“Yes sir, right away sir!” the security officer said through gritted teeth.

“Oh and one more thing,” continued the phone, “if you or anyone on your team fails, not only will you be fired but I’ll be charging you with aiding and abetting the release of a violent criminal!” *Click* the phone went dead.

She slammed the phone down and rubbed her eyes. “If only there was a way to get rid of that annoying b…”

“Well!” a voiced cried as the door flew open, “did they find the boss!”

She glared at the guard, “What do you think?” she snapped, “Get the guards ready! We’re going to each be pulling double shifts until boxing day!”

“But that’s against the law?” sputtered the guard.

“It’s that or we are all going to jail on trumped up charges from the witch upstairs, now be a good little monkey and fly!” the officer yelled as she pointed out the door.

He slammed it and could be heard running down the hall to gather the rest of the guards. Some christmas this was going to be. She pulled a out a wallet and removed a photo from it, “Sorry sweetie, mommy has to work again this christmas, please don’t hate me” and with that she kissed the photo of the little boy and placed it back into the wallet. She brushed a tear away from her cheek and composed herself. With Sinclair gone it was her job to get ready for the war their employer was waging this holiday season.

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Day 9

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Day 9

Day 9

Candy Canes and Confessions

2018/12/20

“What the…. ARRGH” the man said tied to his chair, “Really? Right in the eyes?” he whined as his assailant shone a light in his face.

“Where is Santa?” his captor whispered.

“Have you checked a mall? Or a street corner? Those fat guys are everywhere this time of year.” He chuckled. A large candy cane slammed onto his foot, his bare foot, had she removed his shoes?

“A candy cane? Do you really think you can get me to talk with a candy cane?” he laughed.

“Wait for it.” the voice replied.

He scoffed but soon yelled out in pain as his foot began to freeze, slowly and painfully. She lifted the candy cane briefly, “What’s the matter with you? I’m just a security guard, I don’t know anything.”

She placed the candy cane on his foot again said clearly, “You are the head of security for N&K Enterprises” she twisted the cane and he screamed more. “You were sent to bring me in dead or alive, and now you’re going to tell me what I want to hear or bit by bit I turn you into the next Frosty the snowman.”

He gritted his teeth and lasted another two minutes, but caved as the icy sensation made it to his hip. “All right, Santa is under N&K Enterprises, there’s an old unused floor where we used to keep the main computer systems before liquid cooling and size made them small enough to downsize.” Immediately after the words left his mouth the freezing was replaced with a warm comforting sensation.

“Thank you” she said turning the lights on, “feels good to tell the truth huh?”

“Yeah” he said blissfully, “Wait? How did you do that?”

Clara smiled at her victim, “North-pole candy canes, they are cool when you lie and warm when you are honest, plus they taste like raspberries” she giggled.

“Well enjoy the information while you can, when I get free I’m going to hunt you down and…” he stopped abruptly as she rested one of the large candy canes around his neck the long end directed at his crotch, “What… What are you doing?”

“Just thought you could use some time to chill out.” she said gathering up her things and heading for the door.

“But…but….what about the candy cane?” all malice evaporating from his voice.

Clara grinned over her shoulder and said, “Think warm honest thought, but don’t worry, they can’t kill you, though they might make you wish they had.”

“Please, I’ll be good, I’ll change my ways, I’ll never do anything cruel or… AHHHH” he shrieked, “So cold, okay, I’m a bad man, I do bad things, I wanted to be a ballerina when I grew up but they said it wasn’t for boys” he felt warmer as tears rolled down his cheeks. The police found him several hours later, still babbling every honest thought that came to mind to stay warm.

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Day 8

The Twelve Capers of Christmas: Day 8

Christmas Bonus

Day 8

2018/12/19

“Sir, you can’t be serious?” the young assistant said, “I know this year wasn’t as good as last year but we still turned a massive profit.”

“Profit? We made half a million less than last year. I would fire them all if it didn’t cost more to brainwash new ones.” the boss said as her examined his recently bleached teeth and dyed hair in a mirror on his desk.

“Unfortunately, they are highly trained professionals, I’m worried that if we withhold their christmas bonus they will end up leaving for another company.” The assistant shuffled nervously through his papers.

“If they wanted a bonus they should have worked harder!” shouted the boss with a scowl before smiling at himself admiringly in the mirror again.

Flipping to another page of figures the assistant said, “Actually sir, our toy production facility increased output by over 15% this year and reduced costs by 10%, if anything the staff is practically overworked.”

“If we’re doing so well why didn’t we beat lasts year’s profits?” countered the ken doll as he looked up from his mirror. “I bet you those scum have been stealing from us!” He pointed accusingly at the office door.

Again, the assistant patiently checked his papers, “Well actually, it appears like the reason for the loss is that you cut the sales price by 10%; you also swapped out one of our material supplies for a cheaper one which has led to more warranty claims which has substantially increased our losses for this year. Oh, not to mention the funds you have used for your business trip to Cuba.”

“Are you suggesting that my decisions are what are ruining this company?” The boss glared.

Unflustered his assistant simply adjusted his glasses, “Of course not sir, that would be slander.  I’m simply listing facts from…”

“Well then I order you to change those facts, make one of the supervisors claim credit and fire them.” He went back to checking his hair.

“I’m sorry sir but that would be illegal and…”

“Mr. Derriere!” a tall officer asked as he entered the office.

“Hey, you can’t just barge into my office! Who do you think you are?” screamed the stuffed suit.

“I’m detective Armstrong, and you Mr. Derriere are under arrest for embezlement, fraud, rape, sexual assault, harassment, and worker endangerment.”

“What!” Mr. Derriere protested, “Where do you get your information and where is my lawyer?”

“We got an anonymous tip from a one Clara K., we assumed she was just another one of countless women listed in the files sent to us.” explained the detective as half a dozen officers entered the office behind him.

“Finally!” said the assistant, much to the shock of his boss. “Officers, our non-disclosure policy states we are unable to disclose any company secrets unless cooperating with authorities as the law requires. I assume you have the correct warrants?”

Detective Armstrong grinned, then pulled a large folder from his jacket and threw it on the desk. “Those are copies of every warrant to investigate Mr. Derriere and this company fully. If you stand in the way you will be prosecuted for interfering in a police investigation Mr. …”

“Gibson, Pete Gibson sir, I have kept detailed records on every discrepency and every fraudulent order that prick gave me.” Pete said calmly.

“Excellent! We’ll try to take care of this as quickly as possible considering how close it is to the holidays.” Armstrong said with a smile. “Who will be responsible for running things while Mr. Derriere is detained?”

“That would be me sir,” Pete said proudly.

The dumbfounded pile of gel currently being read his rights snapped out of his daze and screamed “You? You’re just my assistant what qualifies you to run this company?”

“I’m not your assistant Jared, I’m the head of operations hence why I have had to field every stupid decision you’ve made.” snapped Pete.

Pete Gibson then turned to the detective and said, “Normally I would like to handle slowly, but if we can have an auditor start on our finances tonight, we may be able to have things unfrozen in time to give everyone a well deserved bonus for christmas.”

“You want your bonus at a time like this? Kind of shallow of you don’t you think?” scoffed Armstrong.

Pete shook his head and smiled, “I’m not receiving a bonus this year, none of the executives are, we have all signed off to make sure that our staff get something for the holidays. We are not a company of crooks sir, we have just put in the inept hands of one.” and he reached out a hand to detective who shook it with new found respect. Jared Derriere meanwhile was facing a total of 137 years in prison for his various crimes.

The Twelve Capers of Christmas Day 7

The Twelve Capers of Christmas Day 7

Day 7

Good Deeds

2018/12/18

Daily Bulletin

Although it seems the police and most media are remaining fairly tight lipped about the criminal Clara Kringle, our readers are not. We have been flooded in the last two days with dozens of letters praising the actions of Clara Kringle and even a few which seem to fill in the 48 hour absence. We’ve gotten permission to share some of the stories anonymously below.

“Clara saved my cat, she had run away and I cried a lot even though mommy and daddy did everything they could to find her. Then I was walking home and a voice overhead said ‘I found your cat! She got stuck in a shed.’ and waved from her sleigh in the sky.”

“I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t have seen it happen myself. As I was about to close up my shop, four thugs came in and tried to rob me. Suddenly the sound of sleigh bells filled the air and two of them when flying across the store, struck by what I later found out was two large fruitcakes. Before they could react Clara, dressed in red and white threw some ribbon and paper out of her sleeves and within seconds had expertly wrapped both criminals in red and green so tightly they couldn’t move. She then left a $100 bill in my tip jar and said ‘For your son’s medicine, I’m sure he’ll get better soon’ than vanished out the door in glittery mist.”

“I’ll be honest, I didn’t know it was her until after everything had happened. I had just gotten home from work, after finding out I had been laid off due to cutbacks which seemed to include only myself. I was feeling depressed and had decided to give up, I had the rope hung and was about to get on the chair when a knock came at the door. I tried to ignore it but she was persistent. I opened the door and she handed me an envelope. She was dressed like the postman but mine is a 50 year old man not this cute twenty-something girl with a twinkle in her eye and a nametag that read ‘Clara K’ . I thanked her and went to close the door but she told me to open the envelope as she was sure it was good news. Inside was a job offer from a company I don’t ever remember applying to who had gotten my resume. They were offering substantially more than what I was making before, but on top of that was a handwritten note with a 1-800 number. When I went to thank her she was gone, but I called the number and it was a suicide prevention line. I wish I could thank her properly so I really hope she reads this. Thank you Clara!”

“I was adopted and never knew my parents, I’ve searched for them for years but always came up dry. Yesterday I met my great uncle, who I have recently learned is my only living relative. I work in a hospital and this random taxi driver helped bring in a rather confused gentleman. He was looking for his long lost neice, myself, he was getting old and the stress of looking had caused him to have a panic attack. The driver, who had introduced herself as Clara Kringle, had calmed him down and just happened to bring him to my station. Through the intake paperwork I discovered he shared the same last name of one of my parents from my research. I commented on this, and we continued to find more and more similarities. I explained why my name was different thanks to my foster parents and a marriage. We cried hard as he explained how long he had looked for me to give me a few of my parents things they had left me. Needless to say I am eternally grateful, but during my tearful reunion with my great uncle, she had slipped away. If you’re reading this Clara, I can’t tell you how much what you did bringing us together means to us and our families, thank you so very much.”

The Twelve Capers of Christmas Day 6

The Twelve Capers of Christmas Day 6

Day 6

Memos

2018/12/17

Internal General Memo at Noel and Kringle Enterprises

Absolutely no one is to speak to the press in regards to the thefts by one C. Kringle. If anyone breaches this directive consider yourself unemployed and in search of a good lawyer. All internal communications, including this one, are considered the property of N&K Ent. and subject to the mandatory non-disclosure agreement everyone signed upon hire.

In case you are wondering if this is a bluff, think twice, we have already let go and charged five mid-level executives in suspicion of leaking important information to the Daily Bulletin. These roles have already been filled through internal promotion. Please congratulate the new executives should you see them.

Furthermore, if you have any information in regards to the identity of the criminal posing as Clara Kringle, you are hereby ordered to surrender said information to your supervisor immediately.

Finally Greg Rinch, head of Public Relations, has been sick since last night. The rumours that his whereabouts are currently unknown and he has been kidnapped by C. Kringle are unfounded. He, as all senior level staff do, has an armed escort until this situation has been resolved. If you see him or his security staff please wish him well and immediately report the sighting to your supervisor so we can make sure he is on the mend.

Thank you

Now get back to work

Diane Egoorcs

CEO N&E Ent.

Private Memo at Noel and Kringle Enterprises

Diane Egoorcs to Head of Security Stewart Sinclaire

FIND HIM!!! I DON’T CARE WHAT IT TAKES, FIND HIM AND FIND CLARA KRINGLE!

I don’t care if they are dead of alive, just bring their bloody corpses in front of me so I can spit on them before christmas! And move the jolly fat man before she finds him, I don’t want to know where, just make sure he can’t be found.

I don’t want to see you again until you’ve accomplished both of these tasks personally, do I make myself clear!