Jump

Jump

    Jules stood at the door, just like everyone else in her class and the classes before her had. It was an ominous door and only four percent of people on the planet could even open it. She sighed, it was such a waste of time, the door was supposed to contain immeasurable knowledge on any topic you could think of and would even grant a wish if rumours were true. Of course, there wasn’t a single documented case of the door granting a wish, just providing basic information to that four percent of people who could even open the stupid thing. But for the last fifty years it had been part of the entrance exam to almost any university, and the main reason most students didn’t attempt it until their twenties. Despite the amazing potential of reward, there was also a twenty percent chance of being killed by the door as it obliterated you if it didn’t like your answers. She supposed it was to be expected from a mystical all-seeing door that read your minds and granted wishes, because that all made perfect scientific sense, right?

Jules just stared at the stupid thing, the instructor who had given them the introduction to the university had also painstakingly explained the process of the door. Apparently, you were supposed to reach out and turn the knob only when you had a vivid idea of what you wanted from the door. A wish, information, or even nothing at all, the latter being the recommended option for most students as it meant the door wouldn’t open, but at least you would probably live to see tomorrow.

But what should she think about? Jules had never been good at the whole blank mind thing, she figured that was mostly for people who had this overwhelming desire to be a part of society. The same society that put their trust into mystical things like gods, spirits, mystical doors, and brown drug filled liquid that tastes like manure aka coffee. She began to feel her face burn as she glared at the stupid doorknob and then finally she reached out; thinking, “I wonder what’s behind this thing anyway?” and yanked it open.

Jules stood staring at the black void in front of her, a few meters ahead there was a sign that read ‘Ask for knowledge or step forward for more’. She poked her head through the door and looked around, other than the ominously lit sign everything was black. She got a little freaked out and went to shut the door when she saw the other fingerprints inside the door in the dusty surface, then the fire inside her sparked again as she realized everyone else must have done one of the two options on the sign. It was like a cosmic yes or no question with no other options. She hated that, and as her anger grew she tried to think of what she could do to make the stupid sign eat those choices. She took a few steps back while thinking, and before she could begin questioning the wisdom of trying to pick a fight with a sign she took a running leap into the door, sailing past the sign and landing on a path that glittered from unseen star light.

“What the fuck?” she muttered as she looked back in stunned amazement, she saw that she was about two feet away from a sloping black metal slide that lead to some kind of inferno that seemed kilometers away. And looking around the room again she saw the path lead to a staircase that lead down another set of stairs with a small barely legible sign that said library and wishes this way.

She glanced back at the stupid sign to gloat at beating its dual choice problem like a pro. However, she was disappointingly greeted with the two must condescending words she’s ever read. ‘Nice Jump!’

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A mad writer or a mad scientist?

Hello imaginary friends

So I’ve been slacking this past week and haven’t posted my normal plethora of useless but entertaining posts. This is primarily due to the effects of exhaustion from working too much… Go figure. Anway there are plenty of excuses for not posting including, exhaution, memory problems, panic attacks, memory problems, migraines, memory problems, etc. Luckily, I have a full spectrum of fun posts scheduled for this week so I hope you enjoy them.

Now as for the mad scientist aspect I’ve also been using this week to run experiments on myself for a new diet I’m trying (and I’m not a normal dieter as I view it as tedious). Basically I want to have better control over my body and that starts with testing the individual processes involved in maintaining the stupid thing. Ideally I want to see if I can help improve my overall physique (lose some weight and increase muscles, I’m over 6 feet tall and almost 2 feet shoulder to shoulder so I’ll never be small ). But much more importantly I’m trying to see if a controlled diet has an  impact on how well my brain functions.

Anywho that’s basically my nonsense for this week

I wish you all the best and have a great week

Sincerely

J. S. Figment

P.S. – Before beginning writting I was a scientist who spent his life aspiring to understand the mysteries of the universe before my progress towards my astrophysics degree were stripped from me for political reason with my university (I embarrased some professors, repeatedly, and accidently) Hence I became a mad scientist continuing my studies independantly and without the confines of standard education.

Chaos or order?

As someone who embrasses chaos and have physically received the first book I really like this picture lol

Angel

“Crap.” muttered the glowing girl, looking around at the alley she had just woken up in. “This is bad.” she looked at the tall buildings and breathed in the foul odour of exhaust, sweat, and artificial scents. She pulled herself to her feet, “Seriously? It was one prank, I don’t feel this is justified!” she screeched at the sky which was a dull and indifferent grey as it glared back at her in a condescending tone.

She sighed, “Who cares if I scared them, they’re just humans.” The sky seemed to darken slightly in response. “Fine! But how long do I have to stay here?” the sky shifted slight as a ray of sunshine broke through. She scowled at the sky, “Very cute!” she spat in response, “I’ll be off this rock in no time, just you wait and…”

She was cut off by a woman screaming at the end of the alley, “AHHHHH, PERVERT ANGEL!”

‘Great’ she thought, ‘just what I needed, christians’. It’s not that she had anything against christians per say, they just always overreacted at the drop of a hat about the smallest things. Of course, being a pack animal, it didn’t remain just one psychotic ape screaming at her, soon the end of the alley was packed with monkeys in various cloth coverings all staring; partially at her naked butt, but mostly they looked at her large grey wings that protruded from her back.

They murmured various comments between each other and she could practically feel the grime coming off them. Her violet eyes glared at them, making sure to portray just enough of a predator to keep their tiny monkey brains just unsure enough not to step into the alley way. She knew it wouldn’t work forever and finally an overweight pale police officer barged through the crowd, “What’s the problem… Holy crap!” he said as he saw her. Then, after a few moments of ogling he remembered his job and began spouting some nonsense about indecent exposure and other human garbage she didn’t understand. He uncliped a pair of hand cuffs from his belt and explained, “Not sure if you understand me but I’m just going to put these on you and take you to a place where people can help you.”

Before he could however a voice came from the other end of the alley as footsteps approached, “Sorry I’m late Freyda, I got held up by traffic I hope you’re ready for the shoot…” he trailed off glancing up from the equipement around his neck for the first time. “Who are all you lot?” he asked suspiciously behind the mask of dark makeup he wore.

“Do you know this lady sir?” asked the officer, gesturing at her with the handcuffs.

“I certainly do!” the man said disdainfully, “I’m a bit surprised you don’t, especially given the paperwork we had to fill out to take this shoot.”

“Paperwork?” The officer said incredulously.

“Ugh!” sighed the man, and handed over a thick pack of paper with a business card attached. “Yes, paperwork, photoshoot, you barricade, as per section of 17a subsection C9 in the agreement the city wrote up. Where is the barricade by the way?”

“I, umm, well, I didn’t know about any of this…” stammered the cop.

“Well if you could clear these people out so I can be out of this dank alley as soon as possible that would be lovely, okay?” the strange dark haired man condescended.

“Er, umm….” the officer said as he quickly read the section about barricading the alley and that the police had indeed been assigned to help with that. “I’ll get right on that, sorry, one sec.” He turned and muttered into his radio which came back with a blaze of angry comments about checking your assignments before heading out and not relying on routine. “Yesss, ssir , right away, sorry, won’t happen again” the officer stammered and began shouting at the crowd to clear them away.

The dark haired man turned to face her now and handed her a card, ‘It read Devlin Sata, Heaven and Hell Photography’

“Right, I’m here to keep an eye on you let’s get started. But first!” he hoisted his camera and took several pictures, focusing mostly on her face and from different angles.

Than a printer on his belt spat out a plastic card, which he shook and handed to her. His eyes flashing a dark red colour as he grinned “Welcome to Earth miss Angel, I’m your case worker Devlin.”

With that sentence alone all the delusions she had been hoping for were washed away with the cold truth of reality. “Earth” she sighed, “why did it have to be Earth.”

The longest word in the English language

The English word antidisestablishmentarianism(UK: /ˌæntidɪsɪstæblɪʃmənˈtɛəriənɪzəm/ (About this sound

listen), US: /ˌæntˌdɪsɛ-/ (About this sound

listen)) is notable for its unusual length of 28 letters and 12 syllables, and is one of the longest words in the English language.[1] It has been cited as the longest word in the English language (excluding coined and technical terms). The longest word found in a major dictionary is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but this is a technical term that was coined specifically to be the longest word.[1][2][3]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antidisestablishmentarianism_(word)

Update of J. S. Figment and his madness

So I’m trying to write a weekly update on how things are progressing. I have written a few new stories that will be coming out shortly over the next month.

I wish I had more time to devote to my craft, however work, life, and what has become almost daily panic attacks of varying degrees is beginning to take it’s toll.

Luckily, I have maintained a healthy diet (of which popcorn has become a staple) and have begun exercising daily again to help cope. All things considered I haven’t lost too the anxiety yet, just barely some days, but a win is a win lol.

Thursday Question #3

If you could be stuck in one work of fiction which one would you pick?

For me I would probably have to say the world of the Super Powereds by Drew Hayes

Hug

I woke up with a splitting headache, my mouth tasted like copper, and the only light was a warm glow from the outside. I groaned lifting myself up and feeling my ears pop removing the pressure induced whooshing noise I heard. Unfortunately, that wishing became the laboured whine of a large engine struggling. My visions was still a little blurry from the sleep and I tried to remember where I was. It finally cleared just in time to duck as a large burly man being thrown in my direction. He smashed into a large wooden crate that I had been leaning against. “What the…?” I exclaimed still getting my bearings. I really wished I was still unconscious, as I looked around I took in the spectacle before me. A four and a half foot tall woman in some nondescript-military style uniform was dodging knife jabs from someone dressed as pilot, almost twice her size, in the long tubular innards of a plane flying over the ocean. I use the term flying generously as the whole thing bounced and bobbed in the air. I glanced out the window thinking, ‘Well this couldn’t be any worse’ before I remembered why you should never think that. The glowing from outside was in fact the plane’s engine which was engulfed in flames.

I glanced back to see the petite woman snap the man’s arm like a belligerent tree branch sending an excruciate cry from the now unarmed pilot. I stumbled to my feet and began backing toward the rear of the plane which only served to grab the attention of the military dwarf who was now staring in my direction.

“Phylo Pasteur?” she screamed the question over the roaring plane around us.

“I…” it had just occurred to me that I didn’t know who I was. “I don’t know?” I said with the horrific realization filling my eyes.

This made her smile reasuringly, “Their drugs must not have fully worn off yet, you can call me Raccoon.”

The name seemed familiar but if I couldn’t remember who I was I wasn’t expecting much help from my still aching brain. “What’s going on? Why did you hurt these people? Why are we in a plane? Why is it on fire?!?” I panicked.

“Relax I’ll explain everything,” she said as she locked the plane’s steering. “Now,” she said placing her hands on my arms and moving me to the back of the plane, “I need you to stand here for a second.” she then pulled back a sleeve and mouthed numbers as she watched the time tick on her timepiece.

“What is going on…” I asked but was cut off by her raised hand while she counted.

She then looked me in the eyes and spread her arms wide, “I think you need a hug.” I stared in confusion as she smiled. “Come on! Bring it in!” she said motioning with her outstretched arms. I slowly returned the hug, “There, now isn’t that better?” she asked.

“A bit I guess.” I said still confused.

“Okay now hold on!” She said and I heard a click behind me.

“What was that…?” again I was cut off as we were sucked out of the plane as she popped the back door. I sceamed as the world spun but hung on tight to Raccoon as we fell.

Then with a yank we were stopped and began floating, hanging from the underside of a large black parachute. She smiled at me, while I was still hugging her, “See, sometimes a simple hug can save your life.” I frowned at the smartass comment but I was grateful for the strange hug.

Lit, bae, and other things people say?

Ever talk to someone and have no idea what they’re saying because they have wholey abandoned the use of c the English language?

Well hopefully this guide can help you as it did me!

http://www.wetheunicorns.com/features/internet-slang-2017-meme-words/

What’s your favorite slang word?

Biggest book ever printed

Have you ever wondered what the largest book book ever printed was?

http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/largest-book-published

Thursday Question #2

So, it’s Thursday again, and I’m curious to know,

Who is your favourite author that no one seems to have heard of?

For me I’m a big fan of Jasper Fforde, Drew Hayes, and Jonathan L. Howard.

Tell me who you like in the comments!